Driveway, State, and finding a winning mindset

There are many aspects to racing, a lot of attention gets put onto training and equipment, and rightfully so. They are both major determinants of performance. However, the mental part of racing is huge as well. Bike racing is painful, you have to push your body to your limits to succeed and that makes an enormous amount of mental strength, and the right approach. This is always been something I have struggled with personally. (not just in racing but other stuff as well, I have a tendency to quit when things get hard) When the race gets hard, I question myself "can I do this?", "everyone else is better than you, you should give up" . Often times big races make it worse, racing against good competition makes me more likely to believe that maybe they ARE better than me. Training better/smarter/more makes it better because it is easier to believe in the foundation you have built, but sometimes it is not enough. Lastly, I know that pushing up against my limits makes it better, learning that there is more. Knowing how hard you have gone and having a harder hard to compare everything to pushes the limit of what causes you to quit. At Killington this year I suffered from this quite a bit (as well as equipment malfunctions a nice double whammy) and drastically underperformed, at Chappell Hill I kept trying to fight back but the voice eventually won at about 5k to go when I told Nate I couldn't do any more work and at 3k to go again when it told me I couldn't follow his wheel. I'm determined to beat that little bugger though.

After Chappell Hill I looked back at my best results and tried to think of what my mindset was at those. Ultimately I realized it was believing in myself, believing that I  could win the race, but NOT that I should win (this breeds under performance as I tend to feel entitled to win and won't go hard at all).  Every time one of those thoughts comes in, I first recognize it and then remind myself of what I've done in training and that if I go into deep dark places, and race smart I can win the race. This is something that I generally have believed when I won races in the past, no questioning my ability. Just need to put the effort in, the smarts and it can happen. I first purposefully applied this at the Driveway on Thursday. I was doing the 1234, which it might be somewhat foolish to think I can win. But I believed it. It was a slower race than usual but every time I was in the wrong spot, or in a spot of bother I just reminded myself that A) most of the others are hurting and B)If I got through it, put myself in the right position I could win. Don't let it get in my way. I didn't win, I failed to be in the right spot at 2 laps to go but I was one of 20 people in the final group.

So now on to state. This is the type of big event I would normally screw up. Nerves, knowing everyone else was in good shape. When the going got hard I would be defeated. Not this time though. I put myself into the front early on, out of trouble. I looked out for dangerous moves or opportunities for me to make something happen (instead of trying to force the creation of an opportunity). On the way out from the start line along the rolling hills I kept in the front third of a very large group. Careful to not slip back so far that it was hard to move back up. On our way back down towards the finish straight we had a head cross wind, a potential opportunity. I attacked a couple times but it was clear that it was not enough of a cross wind. Riders could sit back and get an easy ride which left lots of fresh legs able to counter moves. So I filed back into the first third. When we turned right onto the finishing straight I could see that the group was tired, people were scattered about a bit we had a nearly 100% cross wind. I moved up front and put in a little dig. I quickly caught up to a guy a bit up the road and I had him slot in. He didn't seem to be able to force the pace too much, but I didn't want to be alone. 1km later I looked over and saw TC Porterfield and Jake Lanoux bridging. Reinforcements and good ones. We got into a echelon and drilled it. (No power numbers today guys sorry... zero offset was definitely off and lots of power drops). The next 2 km we kept the force on. We turned right through the feed zone, now with a predominantly tail wind. We could still see the group and kept force on. Unfortunately everyone in the group wasn't able to keep the tempo on pulls, we weren't going fast enough on the climbs by a long shot and just barely maintaining on the downhills. Group behind was motivated. Near the top of the first big climb Vince Dietsch came past our lead group. I thought I was hurting but kicked it up a gear, got right on his wheel then looked over my shoulder and saw most of the field.  I sat up (Vince kept going solo and was caught about 10 miles later). Off the front for about 25 minutes.

Problem now was, that was a hard effort and I was hurting. I had thought that with TC, myself, Jake and Jacob Shofield who had also bridged at some point we would make it. Good move, good timing, but others had other ideas. The groups efforts to bring us back had taken its toll though, looked like maybe 1/3 of the 98 (I think) starters were left. The effort had hurt me though: I battled within myself, the voice said "you are spent you can't win anymore" but I overpowered that voice. I was capable of winning still, I still had one solid effort in the legs just needed to manage carefully the rest of the way. I sat in, allowing myself to recover as much as possible, drank (I actually drank almost all my liquids this time, yay me). On what is the second big climb of the course I started to cramp, but I managed it. Shifted back in the seat a bit and made it over the top with the group. Shook out my legs, and over the next couple miles noticed that it seemed most people were doing similarly. It had been a hard race.

As we got ready to turn onto the finishing straight I put on my game face, moved to the front. At 4k to go the group was looking at each other, sitting up. Who was going to take up the drag to the line. I considered attacking, but wasn't sure my legs had it in them and if people shut it down, could I reload for a finish? A Dallas Bike Works rider DID attack, people didn't jump on it... they looked at people to chase it.  The obvious answer (too me) was AustinBikes, they had 3-5 guys in the final group still. (there are two austinbikes affiliated teams and it is confusing because they will often block for each other, sometimes work together but also sometimes don't). Didn't happen though, State Championship on the line perhaps all racing for the title, I dunno. Chase was sporadic and as such it proved to be a brilliant move, he won. But there was still second on the line. I stayed up front but never ever pulled (I don't like racing for 2nd instead of first, but pulling would be racing for no place for me) I manged to jump groups of trains as people revved up and down. I belonged up there, I could do this. At 800m or so to go, sitting 3rd wheel I  went. I knew I had less jump than usual left. 100m in I sat down, everything was cramping I kept going though. Low and error... motor. Glutes, quads, calves, hamstrings every single one felt like it might explode but I was in second. I pushed through the pain. 200m to go (such a LOOONNNNGGG feeling 200m). I came through 2nd, 5 seconds behind the Dallas Bike Works rider and a half second ahead of a King Racing rider.

I will train hard this off-season and carry this mindset over. I also pushed harder than every before there, something that will help me to defeat that little voice in the future.

2nd Place Trophy, pretty neat trophies

Driveway 345: Racing Smart

I've been progressively trying to race smarter lately, partially because it makes for better results but also because while in the Cat 3 fields I can get away with it, when I move up I'm gonna need a brain. I had to remind myself this during the race today.... but that means, no pulling unless you are setting a teammate up for a win, other times it is acceptable to be on the front doing work are when you are attacking, bridging, or in a break, when in the break don't be the guy driving the break, start sprint before others. Today it all worked out.

Early on given that we where doing the "speed loop" the plan was to sit in, but stay near the front, then go for the long sprint options. As is typical early on plans changed on course due to the way the race played out. Early on it was clear there were a limited number of people interested in chasing down breaks, and I was not one of them! Nate Sheetz went and we all debated whether or not he had another solo move in him. Then it was two, with a pretty healthy gap as well. I moved to the front. A group of 4 went off (not the right time to go I told myself).... the group was ratcheting up the pace. Water droplets started slowly from the sky. Then prime lap, the chase heated up. At what seemed to clearly be the highest pace we could go I took off. I expected it to hurt quickly but I pushed through that initial feeling and it dissipated, woo hoo race energy... I got the group of four quickly and debated going straight across. Bad move, stay here and go after some recovery.

After a little rotation I ratcheted up the pace, all but one guy came with me, and the rain started to fall. I quickly made the gap very small and then made the others pull through. With 7 in the lead group we started rotating more quickly. Oddly for a 345 field we worked well together. I thought the group behind us would likely speed up but the rain started to fall harder. Tthe group behind us would be very cautious in the sweeping bottom corner. No need, Driveway is a race track which excels in the wet. We worked together, but I never forced the pace. I felt better than usual, pulls felt eerily near effortless, and sitting in was great recovery. Looking over the data HR was high, power was very good (average of 228w and normalized 268w), but my legs felt sublime.

Coming into the last lap, we knew there had to to be some cat and mouse games. After the 'hill' everyone sat up. Who was going to pull? No one wants to pull, but if no one pulls we get caught. Eventually Nate Sheetz, possibly the worst sprinter and definitely the biggest engine in the group took it up. I grabbed his wheel. At 600m to go Nate ramped up, I stayed steady but let a wheel or so open up between us. At 550m I started getting that itch... should I go? not yet....500m not yet... 450m better go before someone else does. I jumped, used the gap to slingshot, and kept the pedal down. Look under my arm, someone there but not right there, keep on driving. At 200m: still there but not close enough to get a draft. Stay out of the saddle the whole way, I can see out of the edge of my eye someone inching up my left... kick it up a notch, starts to fall back again. I hit the line first by about a bike length. Raise the arms.... oh crap tilting.... grab them before I crash.

Then I roll into the back of the P1234, HR at 180bpm. Energized from a sprint win. Get a couple congrats and we are off. A half lap later I haven't settled I feel unsafe in the group. It is pouring rain. I was only supposed to do one race today... follow the schedule and keep everyone safe.

Some screenshots of WKO+ for the race today

Bridge to the group of 4, sit in for a bit and then pick up the pace to get to AustinBikes duo in the lead, no smoothing

Full period of time off the front of main group, 15 second smoothing

Full finale, accelerations by nate and then my jump and hold. Power for sprint was 618w for 30 seconds. Complete with a power drop, no smoothing

Entire race, you can also see the point at which I went off the front ~ halfway through. 30 second smoothing

Chappell Hill RR: Long Breakaway, heartbreaking finish.

In bike races sometimes you see the guy who nearly makes it after a long breakaway, but gets caught in the last 500m or so. Tony Martin had this happen to him in the worst way possible, riding solo for 160km off the front and caught in the 25m before the line. So how much does it suck, I found out today: it really really blows. On one hand you know you road really well and on the other you look back over the entire day and think of all the little things, little places where maybe if you had pushed a little harder or held back a little. Anyways onto the report.

Chappell Hill RR, is a lollipop style race, 13 miles out, then 4 loops of about 12 miles then 13 miles back into town where the race finishes up on a little hill. 500m to 200m is fairly steep and it shallows out from there. Race started with a one mile neutral roll out, our lead car was dumb and motor paced a guy 100m off the front of the rest of the neutral group. Fortunately an official fixed that and then we were off to the races.

In the initial 13 miles loop one guy raced off the front got a little bit of a gap and the whole group just kinda sat up and let him go. I thought this could be promising if I got up to him without pulling the group with me. I slow rolled off the front with one other and once I could see the group had given us a gap hit the gas a bit. The guy who came with me apparently was just marking me, he refused to pull through. I got about 3/4 of the way across and was easing up because I was just pulling deadweight, then Derek Alvorado of Comanche came up to us and we worked together connected with the guy up front but were shortly pulled in by the group. At this point I road near the front, but did no work. Staying out of trouble, watching for dangerous moves and trying to ride smart. For the last couple weeks I've been doing one of two things, dumbly attacking, or idiotically being a non-factor in the race. My goal today was to wait for the right moment and then attack.

AustinBikes was controlling the front and letting no one go off. I quite frankly found this dumb: why were they wasting energy chasing down everything when they had no one up the road? I was assuming they wanted a field sprint, but eventually one of their guys DID go up the road. That was a problem, 4 guys covering the front covering every attack and riding second wheel so if you pulled off they soft pedalled. After about a lap of this and trying to motivate people with teams to do something about it, the gap was about a minute. Something had to be done... so I went up front and rode threshold. I was slowly pulling the group back. Eventually two other guys came up and gave pulls, as they dropped back I told them to make sure they took Austin bikes spot on my wheel. In total I spent about 15 minutes up front at 235w, and pulled the gap back from about a minute to about 15 seconds. At this point I moved back to rest a bit, didn't want to do much more work than that at least not by myself. A half lap later we caught the group and Nate Sheetz countered. This was bad. I expressed to the group that if they let Nate ride away they would never see him again. People who knew Nate went up front and started trying to bridge. Now there were only two guys covering attacks and it was clear they were starting to tire. I was going to try to make the bridge when the opportuninty presented itself.

Shiva was the first guy to get away, he was joined by one other and they were somewhere between 1/3 and halfway across. At this point I would up about 5 bike lengths behind the Austin Bikes guys to make sure they couldn't easily grap onto my wheel. I jumped across to Shiva pretty quick, I was originally planning on working with them to make it a larger group up the road, however when I got there it was clear that they weren't moving at a clip adequete to catch Nate. I went straight past them and set my sights on Nate, as I found my "tempo" (tempo was low-moderate L5). 7 minutes later I joined Nate. I pulled up the climbs at a good clip and he pulled on the downhills, we traded on the flats but quite frankly Nate is a machine... I had a hard time holding pace on the flats and downhills. That said he was definately working harder than me on the uphills. It was a good tandem. About a lap in I was hurting pretty bad, but we were out of sight. Hopefully out of mind with Austin Bikes still blocking the front?

Earlier on in the race and before I had made a poor decision. The line for the bathroom had been fairly lengthy and I had foregone a bathroom pitstop pre-race. From the moment we started rolling I needed to pee, and because of this I didn't drink. Why was this such a bad idea? I carry all my nutrition in my bottles I was drinking very little for the first hour to hour and a half. After I got up to Nate I started drinking as I normally would/should.... but it was too little too late. I started trying to make up for lost time and thought for a while I was feeling better, but I really think the pace was just slowing up a bit. At one point we looked over: no longer out of sight. It looked like we might be caught, Nate threw it down on the flats and I started picking it up again on the hills. When we hit the feed zone again we were back out of sight, about a one minute gap from what I heard. 13 miles to go.

At this point I was clinging onto hope that I could find some magic. I was fading fast, I couldn't punch the hills the same anymore and finally at about 5 miles to go when nate waved me through to pull I quite simply couldn't get my legs to do it. I told Nate "Get me to the finish line and the win is all yours." I didn't think I would make it on my own, but simply could not give anymore. At somewhere between 3 and 5k to go, Nate stood up on a hill and I couldn't respond. I went harder but not hard enough. He pulled away from me. I kick myself now, maybe if I had tried to get out of the sadddle and followed I could have made it? Gotten second, but at the time it certainly felt like I was giving everything. As he pulled away I settled into doing what I could do: maybe we had pulled out enough that I could make it in. I wasn't actually even sure how much farther I had to go. Each corner I was looking: is that the finishing  climb... nope. I kept looking over my shoulder and saw nothing... kept pushing.

Finally I saw the 1k to go banner and looked over my shoulder and.... SHITTTTTT charging field. I put everything I had in at that point. Of course now I question: was it really? Did I have more? Could I have done more. I made it over the steepest section of the climb, and then just as it levelled out the pack finish leader swept past: maybe he has a gap... keep pushing. Woosh at 200m the rest of the field past me. Absolutely heart broken. I lost a couple of tears as I soft pedalled across the finish line. After I got passed I found Nate and said congrats. I got off the bike and it was clear something wasn't right.

It feels like sitting in the drops, I cut into my thigh with a saddle that was too wide or something. I'm going to swap back to the Selle SMP which I had moved away from due to shorts wear because... this isn't acceptable, and it has happened with this saddle once before One specific small part of my my glutes just throbs a sharp pain. As I was riding back it had seized up, I could barely turn the pedals over. On one of the hills up I nearly got off and walked but I saw Paul Carty ride by and asked for a push. Thank goodness Paul is stupid nice. He pushed me till I could coast into the parking lot.

Now I'm left with questions: if I had eaten more earlier could I have made it? what if I had worked less earlier? What if I hadn't had aforementioned saddle issues? Maybe I just needed to push further mentally (I was cramping a bit but had been handling it... maybe I could have pushed a bit more?)? It is really dissapointing cause I put so much effort out and came so close to making it. I raced smart, I went with the right move and I just barely couldn't close it. I can't help but second guess everything, especially the mentally pushing part.

Some race numbers: average power for the race (3hr 3min) was 184w, 3.55w/kg. NP for the race was 209w, 4.0w/kg, average speed 38kmh. Average power for the whole time off the front (1hr 33min) was 3.84w/kg, NP 4.2w/kg, average speed 37.8kmh. Time on the front early on was 15 minutes, 235w AP, 250w NP, average speed 38.5kmh. Time spent bridging was 8 min, AP 5.2w/kg, NP 5.5w/kg, average speed 39.5kmh.

Now my legs just hurt, a lot. They ache just laying down here typing this, climbing up and down stairs is brutal. Unfortunately in the end, no matter how hard I rode, all I REALLY got was a good workout. I didn't even get a placing. Officials missed me and since they were a ways away protests had to be done via proxy of race staff, who told me that since I wasn't in the top 20 they didn't really care about my result. I suppose it doesn't really matter, but I did finish that darn race, if this was horse shoes or hand grenades I would have done pretty well too.

TOA Day 2: Sketch Sketch Sketch, Crash Crash Crash

Well as promised I was back to attacking today. Early one I set out to make the race hard, stay near the front, and stay out of the sketch. That part of the race was pretty awesome. I was off the front 3 or 4 times with multiple different people but no one would work with me and the group was as expected for the 34 field, chasing everything down. I spent the first 8.5 minutes or so attacking pretty incessantly. During that time period I averaged 254w, NP of 295w. At that point I recognized that I was getting close to the catastrophic limit for recharge time, when I'm close to the bottom of the reserves. So I decided to be smart and sit in and recharge, later on I might try something again, and if it came down to a bunch sprint I was going to launch anywhere between 1km and 500m where opportunity presented itself.

That is when I realized how much sketch was going on. Once I was in the middle of the pack it was kinda hard to move up but not impossible and I did a decent job staying near the front. Lots of bad lines in corners and near crashes, but at 3 laps to go it just became terrible. I'm guessing people were starting to feel tired (and I noticed it among people's demeanor). If I could have gotten up front I would have attacked, but I was stuck about halfway through the pack. About 2/3 of the way up the long grading hill going counter clockwise at the driveway, for now apparent reason there was a very very very near crash. Schreeching brakes, sound of bike contact and freaking out, the group widened to dodge the sketch point and I got pushed onto the rounded curb bumper thing. No big deal, except as I came off my wheels got stuck in a short gap between the track and the curb I was on. When I got off it something happened with my wheel... click, click, click, click. I opened the breaks that fixed it and I chased back on.

I was determined to not let it ruin my race. I chased on, and charged up to midway through the field. Ready to give it what it took to make the win I new I could get happen. Then Jake Lanoux crashed midway through the field, I had to slam on both breaks. Fishtailed and swerved around him and then 1 corner later 4 people went down, I had to ride into the grass to avoid that one. I was now out the back again and the crashes were all over the place. I had had enough, it wasn't worth putting my body on the line for the long shot I know faced. I dropped out. 1 lap later in the same corner 5 more guys went down near the front of the group. Very ridiculous. I'm looking forward to Chappel Hill though, and my head is back in the game.

Tour of Austin Day 1: Circuit of the America's

I was really excited for this race, I think everyone was. What is cooler than racing your bike on a perfectly paved F1 race track? Well, in my opinion it turns out a lot of things are better. Don't get me wrong, riding around the track was awesome. I would love to ride around the track over and over again, but racing around it sucked (for me). I know lots of other people loved it, but I somehow got my feathers rustled and never enjoyed it.

About the track, the pavement is perfect, it is twisty with a couple hairpins. The track is wide though, so you can scorch around the sharper turns and pedal through most of them. There is the one short and steep hill, with a sharp hairpin up top and then a very quick descent. It all sounds like a recipe for a great race... but I couldn't stand it.

The problem with the track being as wide as it was is that everyone had lots of space. Usually that is a nice thing, but people have learned how to race in confined spaces. Confined as in "if you don't move the same direction as the guy to your left, right and in front of you then you will crash." On the race track, people spread out and then everyone who swung wide would try and take the apex of the turn as would everyone who was way on the inside. The end result was people taking 6 different lines that all hit the same point, lots of grabbing of the brakes, people riding over rumble strips. If there had been a wall instead of rumble strips people would have crashed very very hard on the first lap. Over time it got better, but there was still tons of brake grabbing, a variety of lines and tons of sketch throughout the race. In the sections where there wasn't a corner riders fanned out across the whole road leaving 3 times as much room as normal, there was less draft in the group because of this, and since people had room they stopped riding in straight lines which annoyingly made it harder to move up.

My second issue with the race was admittedly not entirely the track's fault, but very few people really raced. If you got up to fifth wheel in the race the people on the front would stop riding because they didn't want to waste energy. They would soft pedal and 20 people would be in front of you again. A constant cycle of circles, then when someone attacked everyone jumped on their wheel. Classic every man for himself racing to win. The course was also rather unselective, sure there was "the hill" but there was also the downhill after it. No one in our group was able to snap any elastic the hill was so short and a number of pretty large dudes made it to the end of the race. I actually tried on 3 consecutive laps to get to the front of the group to put in a hard effort on that hill. But everytime I got near the front as we approached the guys in front of me would sit up and let 20 people go around.

End rant of frustration with people. I have to blame a lot of my dislike for the race on myself. When I was upfront and people in front of me eased up I should have attacked. I should have raced smart, gone when people let up. Something switched off in me yesterday though. I switched back to the racer I was a couple years ago, the guy who never attacked, never got on the front, never made the race happen. I myself stopped racing my bike and waited for the race to happen. Part of that is because I've been perhaps a bit too... crazy lately. Attacking from the gun at HHH, attacking from the gun at the Driveway last week. Lots of ending up on my own solo in front of groups. I want to find that balance, but I would prefer to be attacking too much then not enough. I didn't like my race yesterday not just because of the course, and how others raced but because my mind was out of wack. At three laps to go I was asking myself what I was even doing, I contemplated dropping out because I just wasn't in it, but I stuck it out (and am happy I did). Everyone has their lulls, time to get up, get my mind in the right place and race the way I have been racing this evening.

Results wise: I sat up in the last two corners, was on the back end of the main field. I made it to the finish and I was done. There was no chance for me to win, I hadn't put myself where I needed to be to make that happen, and to be honest I really hadn't tried. I had just sat along for the ride. After the race people where falling over about how hard the last lap had been, how they felt like they were dying, talking about how hot it was, and I hadn't experienced any of that. In the end I'm frustrated I didn't race, that I just rode.